Private Thoughts on a Public Event

Some of many thoughts on Burning Man 2008

I don’t feel the need to judge anyone anymore. I don’t make comments about the way people choose to live their life or criticize actions that they take. This doesn’t mean however that I am divorced from people or their interactions with me. I don’t like it when I feel that my kindness is being taken advantage of. I don’t like it when I feel ostracized or judged. I don’t like it when I feel bullied or objectified or consumed. But the important distinction is that I am feeling all of these things rather than inventing these thoughts with my mind. What an important distinction this is. I don’t have to ignore these things or play them off as if they are not really bothering me. Instead, I know these are pure emotions and my concerns are real and should be communicated. Here again is the crux of the problem, at least for me. Even though I know these are pure concerns- can I –will I- be able to express them to someone else or will I just wish them away. I have started to express myself with the knowledge that these feelings are real and deserve to be said out loud. I suppose just as I have practiced non-judgment I can practice relating my emotions and soon it will be an open flow of communication.

Community gathering
I think humans have a need to be close to one another. We like to travel in packs and graze around. It is a beautiful feeling to be with other people. It makes you feel alive and appreciated. It helps you find your place in society and the gifts you have to give. I love this kanye west line that says “who’s going to speak to the youth, I guess it’s me if its not you”. Being around people lets you step up to the plate and find a niche that needs to be filled. I personally love figuring out new things and finding ways to help. Being around people lets you do just that. I had wanted to go to the temple of remembrance the whole week. I wanted to go alone. I knew I was going to cry my eyes out. But I thought why should I force myself to do this alone. You have someone who wants to help you through this. So I did, I took Dave aka Shine a friend of wave’s and mine to the temple at 8:30 in the morning after being up all night. I tried to separate myself from him as we entered the temple. But to my surprise and comfort he found me sitting upstairs tears dripping from my eyes onto the recycled wood below. He hugged me and I cried louder and deeper. I couldn’t help but laugh a little at how ridiculous I was to try to do this alone. And my heart felt heavy with sadness and gratefulness to the people who worked to build this temple and for the human sitting next to me embracing all that I was feeling. Dave took a pen and wrote the names of his lost friends and I was again overcome with grief. A beautiful woman held out her arms to hug me and I accepted. I felt so blessed having this person, my sister, to help me. As we released each other she kissed away the drops of tears off my cheek and I thought I had rarely felt anything more beautiful or kind. I felt the temple more open, more heavy, and relieved. My heart hurt for all the people who had lost their loved ones to untimely death, but also furious at the senseless violence behind others. I know I can help and I am eternally grateful to those who have helped me.

Other Themes I pondered....
Organization and leadership
Give and take
Desire to be free but within confines
Social anxiety
Expectations
Humor
Personal and social responsiblility
Common enjoyment
Expressing desires